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Tuesday, June 29, 2004 ( 9:24 AM ) teahouse Mannish Haircut On my way to work yesterday I passed a storefront that read "Mannish Salon." The sign underneath said, "Haircuts for Men and Women, Manicures, Pedicures." Ladies - would it really be a good idea to get your hair cut at a place called "Mannish?" # 0 comments Monday, June 28, 2004 ( 8:09 AM ) teahouse Monterrey Nights On Saturday, I got a call from my old friend B. "Guess where I am," she said. "E and I got married at the Justice of the Peace and we're now living in Mexico. He got a job offer working for a casino here." E is B's boyfriend of 4 years. If you knew them, you wouldn't be at all surprised that they suddenly got married at the justice of the peace. She probably wore a t-shirt, no shoes and and wore a garland of honeysuckle in her hair. She told me they're living in Monterrey, Mexico in a hotel attached to the casino where her husband works. Right now her Spanish consists of what she learned while watching Sesame Street as a kid. "How do you like it?" I asked. "It's not bad," she said. "We go out to eat a lot. There's a Chili's and an Applebee's near the hotel. People are really into Tex-Mex food here." # 0 comments Friday, June 25, 2004 ( 9:30 AM ) teahouse Cheap!! Cheap!! My friend J went on a first date the other night. Everything was going great until they were on the way home. When the cab dropped her off, he turned to her and told her she owed him $3.25 for cab fare. Another friend M has been seeing a guy who lives in upstate New York. She spent $300 on a plane ticket to go up and visit him for a long weekend. He took her out to dinner, and said, "I'll get dinner if you get dessert." After dinner, they drove to a sweet shop for coffee and pie. When the check came (a grand total of $9.82) she realized that she'd left her purse in the car. He made her walk back to the car through the rain to get her purse, saying, "Well, we agreed that YOU would pay for dessert." This Can't Be Real If it is, this poor, poor woman. # 0 comments Wednesday, June 23, 2004 ( 9:12 AM ) teahouse Hahahahaha Do you like Jay-Z? Do you like Weezer? Check out this site. Who knew they had so much in common? # 0 comments Monday, June 21, 2004 ( 9:25 PM ) teahouse The Fatness So there's a popular dish in the Ukraine now: chocolate covered pork fat. Ok, I've heard of deep fried Twinkies and Mars Bars, but this takes the cake. So to speak. # 0 comments ( 9:17 AM ) teahouse Go Mets! Saw a New York Mets game on Saturday night. I'd forgotten how crazy the Mets fans can get. Several overweight guys walk into our row and eased themselves into their seats, huffing and puffing. "Ugh," one of them exclaimed, as he squeezed himself into a seated position. "The seats get smaller every year." I think I spent all of my life savings buying hot dogs and beers. We had trouble seeing some of the plays because a guy sitting in front of us kept standing up and giving us a glimpse of his plumber's crack. Someone shouted, "Get him some spackle!" # 0 comments Friday, June 18, 2004 ( 9:06 AM ) teahouse Bottom Growth The bottom is falling out of one of the drawers of my cheap Ikea dresser. I've had this dresser for 2 years. It wasn't cheap, but it turned out to be cheap. I hate when that happens. So the drawer that's falling apart is my underwear drawer. Which means one of two things. Either: (1) the rest of my clothes in the other drawers are lighter than my underwear; or (2) my ass has grown over the past couple of years, so slowly that I haven't realized it, and thus my underwear have grown so as to cover its massiveness, and now they collectively weigh more and have broken the dresser. Ok, option (2) makes no sense, since my size hasn't changed since I was 17, but ahhhhhhhh!!!!! The thought is freaking me out. Must go running now. # 0 comments Thursday, June 17, 2004 ( 8:28 AM ) teahouse Anything in a Skirt Yesterday I was walking down the street, and I passed a group of construction workers on their lunch break. Several of them whistled at me and yelled, "Hey baby!!" I was flattered, grinned, and continued walking. Then I passed a mom holding her seven-year-old daughter's hand. I heard hoots and whistles as the two of them passed the group of men. Then I passed an old woman with a rolling walker going in the opposite direction. Oh, did I mention she had an eye patch? And a white-clad personal nurse accompanying her? She passed the group of guys as well. "Aieeee, Mammy!!!" yelled one of them. They all whistled. I didn't feel so good anymore. # 0 comments Wednesday, June 16, 2004 ( 8:41 AM ) teahouse Leonardo's Bread There was segment on the news this morning about the new "Da Vinci Diet." It was developed by a baker who's tired of being on the brink of bankruptcy for the last year due to the low carb craze. As a runner who needs my carbs, and as a granddaughter of a man who owned a bakery for over 50 years, I say yay to bread! Sure, I like steak and bacon as much as the next Atkins or South Beach Diet follower. But I also like pizza, sandwiches, and cake! Mmm.. On that note, I'm going to Krispy Kreme. Who wants me to pick up something for them? # 0 comments Tuesday, June 15, 2004 ( 8:12 AM ) teahouse Personal Best!!! I did well in the Mini 10K this weekend. I didn't come close to beating Deena Kastor or anything like that, but I did a new personal best. My friend G jumped in with me at the 4 mile mark and ran the last 2 miles with me to encourage me. What a friend! The best part was during the 5th mile, when we saw a girl holding a poster on which she had scrawled, "Run, Bitch, Run!!" Everyone doubled over with laughter as they ran past it. I wish I'd gotten a photo. I had a group of friends who cheered me on at the finish line. I was so fast that they almost missed me; I arrived about 5 minutes before they'd even started looking for me. I beat my previous personal best by almost a minute per mile! Among the prizes in my free goodie bag were this temporary tattoo, which I wore with pride until it fell off yesterday. # 0 comments Friday, June 11, 2004 ( 8:22 AM ) teahouse Mini Me This weekend will be the culmination of 1.5 years of training. I'm running the New York Mini 10K in Central Park tomorrow morning. It's an all-women race that has a lot of tradition behind it. A year and a half ago, when I could barely run 1 mile, I set my goals on this race. I said, "I will run the Mini in 2004." 10K = 6.2 miles. Not a completely insane goal, I figured. Well, the day has come. My best girl friends will be cheering me on between miles 4 and 5 (the toughest for me) and at the finish line. My goal is to run the whole thing without stopping. If I'm back posting on Monday, you'll know that I made it through without collapsing. Where is Cho? Apparently, the object of Harry's schoolboy crush has been completely cut out of the Prisoner of Azkaban. What??? I demand equal airtime for the cute Asian girl! This is an outrage! I'm starting a petition. # 0 comments Thursday, June 10, 2004 ( 8:50 AM ) teahouse Smoked! Last weekend I ran the Anniversary Run, a 4.6K to celebrate the 46th anniversary of the New York Road Runners Club. It was a pretty wretched race. It was pouring rain the whole time. At one point, I ran up next to a gray-haired man wearing a baseball cap from my undergrad college. "Go, School X!" I shouted as I ran up alongside him. He looked at me and smiled, "Yeah, Class of 65!" he responded. He was panting, and didn't look so great. I sped up to overtake him. A minute later, he zoomed by me, so fast that within seconds I couldn't see him anymore. I think he beat me by at least 5 minutes. Yeah, that's right. I was SMOKED by a panting, wheezing 60-year-old. # 0 comments Wednesday, June 09, 2004 ( 8:46 AM ) teahouse Sushi, Anyone? Something is wrong with my aquarium. My fish are dying. I lost 2 over the weekend and 2 yesterday. This morning, I went to feed them, and saw yet another dead fish. It had died so recently it was still floating, belly up. I can't figure out what's wrong. The temperature is normal, the filter is working fine, I changed the water a week ago. I think the fish may be killing each other. Now the question remains: what do I do with the dead fish carcasses? I could use them to fertilize my plants, like Squanto did with the Pilgrims. After all, fish are very nutritious. # 0 comments Monday, June 07, 2004 ( 11:19 PM ) teahouse Appetite Suppressants That Work Tired of the Atkins Diet? Had it with the South Beach Diet? Why not try these Weight Watchers meal cards from the 70s? Those photos are SO DISGUSTING I guarantee you won't want to eat them, thereby . . . VOILA! reducing your weight! I think my favorite are the Mexican Shrimp Orange Salad and the Onion Sauce (which just looks like a dead, bleeding fish - mmmm...). Then again, the Rosy Perfection Salad looks pretty appetizing as well... # 0 comments ( 8:47 AM ) teahouse Some Guys Get All the Girls I'm compiling a list of which kinds of guys get all the girls. 1. Male ballet dancers - there's a common misconception that they're all gay. But in fact, they're all quite the ladies' men. Look at Mikhail Baryshnikov and Ethan Stiefel. Be still my beating heart! And besides, isn't the ratio of little boys and little girls in ballet school something like 1 to 100? 2. Male chefs - they're like rock stars. They're all old and fat but have hot young wives. Maybe it's the cooking thing. 3. Drummers - is it me, or is the drummer in the band ALWAYS the hot one? 4. Bartenders - they get a lot of girls. They don't even have to be that cute, just look cute when you're drunk. 5. DJ's - especially if it's Ladies' Night. Just play a cheesy song at a girl's request, and she's yours. Ok, I can't think of anymore right now. But feel free to add more. # 0 comments Thursday, June 03, 2004 ( 9:17 AM ) teahouse Un-Kool-Aid When I was a kid, my parents never let me drink Kool-aid at home. I know it was because my mom thought it had too much sugar, and was bad for my teeth. She made me drink milk instead. But I've always secretly thought the reason they never let me drink it was because the Jonestown massacre happened when I was a baby. According to some sources, 900 people committed suicide by drinking cyanide-laced Kool-aid. Although, according to this Kool-aid FAQ site, they drank "Flavor-aid," a "cheap imitation of Kool-aid." Wow, that's a potential dilution of trademark lawsuit, no? Could Kool-aid could sue Flavor-aid for tarnishing its reputation? Well, I still think the Kool-Aid Man is way cool. # 0 comments Wednesday, June 02, 2004 ( 8:31 AM ) teahouse Manhattan Moon One of my best friends, M, told me this weekend that she thinks I have a nice ass. Haha, yeah, sometimes it rocks to be a girl. Unlike guys, we can compliment each other without feeling that our "womanhood" is threatened. Good Times In other news, I met up with this lovely girl last night for drinks. What a nice time! I hope she's enjoying her stay in the Big Apple. # 0 comments Tuesday, June 01, 2004 ( 8:04 AM ) teahouse Public Humiliation When I go to the gym, I always leave my wallet at home. It's a 2 block walk from my place, and too bulky to carry around. Yesterday, on my way to the gym, I tucked my gym membership card and a $20 bill into my pocket. My plan was to stop at the supermarket on the way home to pick up groceries. At the Food Emporium, I bought milk, orange juice, a tilapia fillet, a couple of sprigs of cilantro and a pound of grapes. The cashier rang it up: $20.46. All I had was the $20. I felt like such a bag lady, saying, "I don't have enough!" Nobody in line offered to help me out, the cashier rolled her eyes, sighed heavily and then got on the intercom to announce to the whole store that the manager was needed to approve the subtraction of the cilantro off the bill. That got it down to $18.95. The entire line was held up, and I was totally humiliated. I muttered weakly, "I really do have the money..it's just that I came from the gym and my wallet is at home..." From now on I'm sticking with Fresh Direct. It's all pay by credit card, and they deliver straight to my apartment. In the meantime, I can't show my face again at the Food Emporium for at least a month. # 0 comments |
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