Friday, June 17, 2005
( 8:42 AM ) teahouse
Doilies and Figurines
I went to my friend J's apartment to hang out last weekend.
J is what I'd call a doily and figurine girl. Her apartment is covered in, well... doilies and figurines.
Doily and figurine girls are the grown-up versions of the little girls I played with who had porcelain dolls in their perfectly-matched bedrooms. They had a pink, frilly canopied bed.
They had a bunch of stuffed animals lined up perfectly, color coordinated. And at least one Cabbage Patch Kid that would allow them to nurture their pre-motherly instincts and dream of growing up and motherhood.
They had a dresser with pink trim and a large, heart-shaped mirror. Their hair things would be neatly lined up on it, with some clever contraption for storing the hair bows that matched all of their outfits.
There would be either no posters (because their mothers didn't approve), or at most, there'd be a framed pink painting of flowers that matched the rest of the decor.
Or if they were rebels, there'd be a small poster of Kirk Cameron or Corey Haim, with lipstick kisses on it. But that came in the older, rebellious teenage years.
These girls grew up and became doily and figurine girls.
I, on the other hand, had a mismatched bedspread and pillowcases, dirty socks lying around, and walls covered with National Geographic posters.
You can never tell if someone is a doily and figurine girl until you go to her apartment.
Everything will be very neat. There will be fresh flowers everywhere.
Her dishes and silverware will match (mine don't). You won't trip over her tennis racquet or running shoes in the entryway. Her coffee table won't have junk piled up on it (mine does). She'll have food in her refrigerator for you (I don't).
Her cabinets will be neatly stacked with her beautiful matching dishes, and her sink will look like it's never been used.
She'll even have an honest to goodness china cabinet, full of dishes and figurines that have been passed down to her from her grandmother.
When you stay with her overnight, she'll give you a complete matching towel set. And the sheets she gives you to put on the pull-out couch will match perfectly.
When you drop by the apartment of the doily figurine girl unannounced, she always protests that her place is a mess and she isn't dressed properly.
But it's still immaculate, her bed looks like she never slept in it, and she has a cold glass of lemonade waiting for you.
Doily and figurine girls are more highly concentrated in the South. There are fewer per capita in major cities than in suburban and rural areas.
Yeah, I'm pretty much the anti-doily and figurine girl.
I think that at the very least, my habit of taping my gnarly and sweaty race numbers from all of my races onto my wall in a crooked and haphazard fashion pretty much eliminates me from doily and figuring girl contention.
I was explaining all of this to my secretary yesterday. I said, "Yeah, J is a total doily and figurine girl."
She gave me a LOOK. "Uh...what's wrong with doilies and figurines?" she said.
It was then that I KNEW. My secretary is a closet doily and figurine girl.
I have to be careful what I say. They're all around. #