Thursday, March 30, 2006
( 9:03 AM ) teahouse
Do What Ya Gotta Do
One of my coworkers, M, is also a student at my tae kwon do school.
She's older than I am - she just turned 50. She's also ahead of me, since she's been doing tae kwon do for almost a year already.
So she's getting ready to take a belt test to get her green belt. I'm still a white belt, since I just started.
She told me the other day how nervous she was about her belt test. I told her I'd go and watch, and cheer her on.
"You won't boo me, will you?" she asked.
"Of course not!" I said. "There are 2 reasons. FIRST, you're going to do great, so there will be no reason to boo you ....
...and SECOND, uh, you're a partner at my firm. I'm an associate. I'm not going to boo you. I'm not stupid!"
Luckily, she laughed. #
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
( 12:02 AM ) teahouse
Who Are You Fooling?
I was in the waiting room of the doctor's office earlier today. I totally got reprimanded sternly by one of the nurses, for talking on my cell phone while waiting.
Thoroughly chastised, I hung up quickly after my name was called.
But I wasn't as blatant as the young woman sitting next to me.
When her name was called, she was still gabbing on her cell phone.
As the nurse stood next to her, tapping her foot in impatience, she looked up and said, angrily, "Hang on a minute! This is a work call!"
Then she turned back to her phone and said, "Mom, I'm going to have to call you back..." #
Monday, March 27, 2006
( 9:30 AM ) teahouse
Oh, The Humanity!
I'm sick again.
I feel as though I've been constantly sick for the past 6 months.
Is it psychosomatic? Is it subconscious work stress manifesting itself in my poor body?
I don't know anything, except that I'm f#$(@^ tired of it.
Right now I have a horrible stomachache, fever, back pain, the world's biggest sore throat, and my voice is almost completely gone.
If I'd known my body was going to break down like this once I hit 30, I would have partied harder in my 20s. #
Thursday, March 23, 2006
( 9:18 AM ) teahouse
I'll Take a Burger and a Side Order of Shut The F#$%$# Up!
I rarely watch reality tv, but I've become addicted to this show.
Geez, people who want to be professional chefs are really vicious and backstabbing.
But we knew that anyway. So it's a terrific and entertaining show.
Except for one thing.
It's got this stupid, vapid, brainless hostess.
She's completely useless, and it's not clear to me why she is even in the show.
She's beautiful, but has a constant vacant expression on her face. She reads her lines slowly, clearly off cue cards. She isn't a chef; she isn't a judge. When she opens her mouth, it's like fingernails on a chalkboard.
She mispronounces French and Italian names. Her lines are unbelievably dumb. Typical things she says are:
"Ladies and gentlemen: Please follow me into the kitchen."
"Judge X, what did you think of Fred's dish? What about Mary's? What about Jane's?"
"You have 60 minutes. Begin!"
"You have been eliminated. Please pack your knives and go."
Ugh..last night I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out how she got picked to host this show.
Then I look on the internet and realized why:
She's Billy Joel's 25-year-old trophy wife. #
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
( 9:08 AM ) teahouse
Caught in the Crosshairs
Last week, on my way out of my apartment building, a strange woman introduced herself to me on the elevator and asked, "Are you a new unit owner?"
I confirmed that I was.
She immediately got excited. "I'd like to stop by your apartment tonight," she said. "A bunch of us are putting together a petition and we'd like you to sign it. The Board is behaving outrageously and we want to call a special meeting TO OVERTHROW THEM!"
She'd started out speaking softly, but as her narrative progressed, her voice got louder and more high-pitched, and she got more and more agitated.
"Uh..." I responded. I didn't have a chance to say anything else, because we reached the ground floor and exited the building.
When I got home I saw that she'd slid a thick petition under my front door, with a note to call her. It also said that she hoped I wouldn't sign any OTHER petitions, just hers.
I didn't call her, but I sent her an email saying thanks, but as a new owner, I wasn't comfortable signing anything just yet.
Now I have to avoid her in the hallways, though..lest she suck me into her vortex again.
I guess I was naive when I thought that escaping my evil landlord and buying a place of my own would be the end of my problems!
There's a constant Civil War going on in this building. #
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
( 8:27 AM ) teahouse
This weekend, I sat on the subway next to a woman with her two young kids.
Her daughter, who was 3 or 4, was asleep in her carriage, all in pink.
Her son, who stood next to her and looked to be no more than 7 or 8, was dressed to the nines.
I think he wanted to be Snoop Dog. He had braided hair, and wore a puffy jacket and low-hanging jeans.
All in miniature of course, since he was so young.
The best part of the ensemble was his jewelry.
His ears were pierced, and he was wearing large, gold earrings in the shape of dollar signs. Each was about the size of a quarter.
I wish I'd gotten a picture.
Like I said, no more than 8 years old. And he already knows the power of capitalism. #
Monday, March 20, 2006
( 8:14 AM ) teahouse
And That's The Word
Thanks everyone, for your concern! I feel much better today.
And to answer some concerned friends' inquiries, No, I'm not pregnant! But it's nice to know that people are worried about me.
In more pleasant news, I had a really fun time being in the studio audience of The Colbert Report. He's even funnier and more charismatic in person than on tv. He spent time warming up the audience and chatting with us after the show. It was a great experience.
AND, remedial Blogger that I am, I am just figuring out the art of posting photos on my blog! I'm totally photo happy right now. I will be photographing everything I see, and attempting to post them online shortly.
Keep your fingers crossed for me. There are glitches, but I hope to figure them out soon. #
Friday, March 17, 2006
( 9:10 AM ) teahouse
Happy St. Patrick's Day
Today we celebrate the Feast Day of St. Patrick. St. Patrick is known for bringing Christianity to Ireland.
The New York City St. Patrick's Day parade is, as I've heard, the biggest in the world.
I go to watch it every year. And I always wear green.
The problem is that, for the past couple of days, I've felt nauseated and icky, and hardly able to get out of bed.
So does having a green face count? #
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
( 12:04 AM ) teahouse
You Are the Wind Beneath My Wings
I hate when I have sudden unplanned flatulence while exercising.
For example, a random fart that escapes while I'm stretching during tae kwon do class.
I cover that up by yelling, "Kihap!!" really loudly and pretending I'm practicing a punch.
Or for example, when I'm running across the tennis court trying to hit the ball, and I let one rip inadvertently.
I look over my shoulder and see my little skirt flying up as the wind escapes.
I cover that up by letting loose a Monica Seles-type grunt as I hit the ball. Then people think I'm really into the game. #
Monday, March 13, 2006
( 9:14 AM ) teahouse
Didya Miss Me? Huh? Didya? Didya?
I'm back from my break. I ate a lot, I slept a lot, a vegged a lot.
I bought a new tennis racquet, I played a ton of tennis, I learned Chon-Ji, I ran a couple of races.
I cut my hair, I bought a new rice cooker and microwave, I read a couple of books. I ate my first Big Nick's Burger.
I got ashes. I gave up chocolate for Lent.
Gosh, I guess I did a lot. I'm exhausted!
More later, after a nap. #