Monday, June 30, 2008
( 12:09 AM ) teahouse
Putting it All Into Perspective
The Husband and I drove out to the suburbs over the weekend to visit some friends.
While parallel parking outside their apartment, I hit the curb, and upon hearing a loud CRUNCH I knew something was amiss.
The Husband got out of the car and said, "Uh, you knocked off the hubcap."
Sure enough, what had been my lovely hubcap was now a sad, twisted hunk of metal hanging precariously off the edge of the tire.
I put it out of its misery, took it off and threw it into the back seat. The tire looked very mismatched with all of the bolts showing.
I was so angry and upset at myself. I let my bad mood carry over into the walk to the friends' apartment. I was surly and quiet for the rest of the evening.
One of the other woman guests started talking about how her boyfriend just found out he has a tumor in his brain, and he needs surgery to get it excised.
I was suddenly ashamed for being so upset about my stupid hubcap. It really put things into perspective.
Driving home, I shrugged and flaunted my ghetto-fabulous un-hubcapped car. #
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
( 12:14 AM ) teahouse
Yard Sale Diva
This weekend, the Husband and I participated in an event we'd been planning, scheming about, organizing and gearing up for over the last year and a half.
Not our wedding, which happened in April.
But our annual YARD SALE.
We got together with the Sister and a bunch of other friends, including one with a house on a major street corner.
We put up signs, put ads online and in print, and at 7 a.m. on Saturday we set up shop.
The response was overwhelming. Our yard sale was hopping for over 5 hours!
At the end of the day, we walked away with a few boxes of leftover stuff to donate to charity, slight sunburns and several hundred dollars cash in our pockets.
The biggest lesson I learned?
Take the following quiz to find the answer:
Q: When you have a yard sale, the single most important and valuable thing you can have there is:
a. Lots of $1 bills for change;
b. A great location that's visible from a major street and with plenty of parking in front;
c. A Spanish-speaking friend;
d. All of the above, with c being the most important.
The answer, ladies and gentlemen, is d! Yes, if it hadn't been for our friend M who speaks Spanish, half of our deals wouldn't have closed. He was a godsend.
Among all of us who ran the yard sale, we also found that our collective skills in French, Chinese and Tagalog came in useful throughout the day as well.
And that, my friends, is some wisdom from me to you on running an urban yard sale in the new millennium. #
Friday, June 20, 2008
( 8:33 AM ) teahouse
I just read this article.
It's all about the sordid death of a woman who led a sordid life.
But I can't help but secretly hope that one day my own name will be written in an an article alongside the words, "She was involved in a strip club melee."
Is that bad?
Ok, I thought so.
I need to get out more. #
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
( 11:07 PM ) teahouse
Signs of Aging
The other day I realized just how old I've gotten.
I was trying to set up a single female friend with a single male friend.
And I said something that I never would have said five years ago, but at my age now seems terribly important in choosing a potential life partner.
"He's great!" I said to her. "He's cute and smart and funny. And he has a great job. He works for the City. So that means he's going to have a really nice pension one day!" #
Friday, June 13, 2008
( 12:02 AM ) teahouse
Overheard on the subway yesterday:
Dumb Rich Teenager 1: Omigawd...it's been like, so hot this week! I can't even stand it!
Dumb Rich Teenager 2: I know!! It's like, in the 90s now. I was like, at my parents' summer house, and the thermometer on the swimming pool said that the water was like, over 100 degrees!
Dumb Rich Teenager 1: Omigawd..isn't that like, above boiling?
Dumb Rich Teenager 2: Omigawd, you're right! We learned that in chemistry! Omigawd...the water was boiling in my swimming pool!
THB (to self): Omigawd, I'm going to stab myself in the head. All that for $100,000 worth of private high school tuition! Messrs. Fahrenheit and Celsius are turning over in their graves. Gahhhh!!! #
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
( 8:48 AM ) teahouse
From Lagos With Love
Someone broke into the Sister's Ebay and hotmail accounts last week. She's spent the past 10 days on the phone and online with both companies, trying to get her identity back.
Over the weekend, I got the following email:
I am in a hurry writing this. I had a trip to Nigeria visiting the Tinapa opening ceremony. Unfortunately for me all my money got stolen at the hotel where i lodged from the attack of some armed robbers and since then i have been without any money i am even owing the hotel here,So i have only access to emails,my mobile phone can't work here.Please can you lend me $2,500 USD so i can return back and settle the hotel bills i would return it back to you as soon as i get home, I am so confused right now.You can sent through western union.I have already spoken to the hotel manager, please let me hear from you so i can collect his full name and address where you can send the money tomorrow please or if possible today.
This email was sent to a bunch of her friends, and some of the replies that followed were among the funniest things I've ever read.
I wrote, "Dear Sister: How come you didn't tell me you were relaxing in Nigeria this weekend? I'm hurt that you didn't ask me to come along!"
Sister's friend wrote, "I knew it was you, since you always refer to money as 'USD' and call me on your 'mobile phone'."
Sister's Boyfriend wrote, "I thought the Tinapa opening ceremony wasn't until next month!"
Husband wrote, "I guess that's $2,500 I'll never see again." #
Thursday, June 05, 2008
( 12:07 AM ) teahouse
Even More Domestic Goddess
Behold, my latest triumphant culinary creation, the zucchini casserole:
Even more delicious than it looks.
And this, while holding down a full time job!
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I bring home the bacon. AND I cook it.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go and pass out from exhaustion.
But not before making the Husband rub my feet!#
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
( 12:12 AM ) teahouse
You Know How I Know You're Gay? You Like Coldplay
Things that were great about this weekend:
1. Getting to hang out and have almost 72 hours of good Sister bonding time;
2. Going to DC's biggest annual crawfish boil, and putting away about 50 pounds of those little suckers and several pints of beer over the course of an afternoon;
3. Seeing Eugene Mirman perform live in a bar, and getting my hand stamped with one of those glowing stamps like they give you in nightclubs (something this old lady hadn't done in at least 5 years);
4. Getting lost trying to find some fun nightlife in the allegedly fun-nightlife-containing neighborhood of Adams Morgan, getting fed up, feeling old and uncool, giving up and going back to the Sister's to fall asleep watching Bear Grylls hack up a dead zebra on tv;
5. Going to a really good, high-quality Smoothie King rather than the scary-ass roach-filled Smoothie King that I'm always stuck going to in New York's Penn Station;
6. Being able to listen to Coldplay in the car on the 4+ hour drive home, since I was alone and the Husband wasn't there to object to the choice of music. #