Monday, January 31, 2005
( 9:30 AM ) teahouse
Lessons in Hygiene
What I learned this weekend:
If you have a friend visiting from out of town, and he suggests that you meet him and his other friends for dinner, don't go for Ethiopian food.
Ethiopians don't use cutlery. All food is eaten by hand.
Ethiopian food is for sharing on romantic dates. For 2 people together, maybe for 3-4 very close friends. Maybe for family.
There's nothing more unsanitary than eating Ethiopian food with 1 friend and 6 strangers. Some of whom have a habit of licking their hands in between bites. None of whom have washed them before dinner.
It's weird to meet someone, shake their hand and say, "Hi, I'm Fred. I'm George's girlfriend's friend from college" and then you swear you heard them say something like, "I'm Mary. I work in a pet shop."
And then you sit down and put your hands all over a plate of food with that person, and 6 others.
The food was tasty. But euewww..
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
( 8:46 AM ) teahouse
Yeah, my friend is here. I haven't seen her since just after her wedding.
She looks FANTASTIC. She's svelte, she's skinny. Except for the big stomach, you'd never know she was pregnant. No swelling, no bloating. She looks fabulous. She's glowing.
She sprinted up my steps, carrying a huge suitcase. She got up at 6 a.m. I just woke up 15 minutes ago, and she's long gone.
She's probably out directing traffic or something.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
( 9:18 AM ) teahouse
I have a friend coming into town tomorrow to stay with me for the rest of the week.
This friend is 7 months pregnant. She knows I live in a 4th floor walkup, but she isn't worried about climbing the stairs in her condition.
I may not be able to post much during her stay, as she doesn't know about the blog.
Isn't it true that pregnant women have to use the bathroom a lot, and are constantly in there, either peeing and/or puking?
I guess that means I should try not to drink too much this weekend. And have a potted plant handy.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
( 1:47 PM ) teahouse
I made it back in one piece..barely. It started snowing while I was up there.
Having grown up in the Deep South and seen snow once in my childhood, I didn't know what to do when I left the client's office and walked to the parking lot, to see my rental car buried in snow.
I thought to myself, "That's what that brushy thing in the trunk must be for." I took it out and scraped the snow off my windshield. But it was frozen on, and I didn't do a very good job.
I had to drive on the unplowed highway in the dark, the snow swirling around me, unable to see the lines on the road.
The storm chased me down I-95. I thought I was going to die about 10 times.
But I'm alive!!
Now I'm going to hole up, take a hot bath, read the New York Times, have some hot chocolate, and rest my poor nerves.
Sunday, January 16, 2005
( 11:10 PM ) teahouse
The Fun Never Ends
I'm being sent out of town for business again. Must go and hold the client's hand through some document production.
Oh, the perils of being a mid-level associate with actual responsibility.
I hope to be back before Friday. Wish me luck navigating the snowy roads.
This is why they pay me the big bucks.
Friday, January 14, 2005
( 9:18 AM ) teahouse
Lessons from 24
I've been watching that show '24' on Fox. It's the show that's in real time - the entire season takes place over a 24-hour period, and each episode is one hour.
Here are the lessons I've learned from this show:
1. When you're a former spy like Kiefer Sutherland's character, the adventures find YOU. The more that you swear up and down that you're out of the business, the more we know you'll get sucked back in.
2. The bad guys can always tap your cell phone..even though they don't know your name or cell phone number. So if you're playing online poker and stumble across some illegal terrorist activity, don't use your cell phone to call your friends at the FBI - the bad guys are already listening.
3. All of the evil terrorists have infiltrated the U.S., and live and work among innocent civilians. They hate and want to destroy it. But they all speak English to each other all of the time. Even when they're plotting terrorist attacks in public places.
4. There's always at least one evil, powerful woman who screws everything up, and prolongs the apprehension of the terrorists until the 24th hour. Two seasons ago, it was the First Lady. This year, it's Kiefer Sutherland's evil boss.
5. Nobody seems to have any bowel movements in the 24 hour period. In fact, you can just imagine Kiefer saying, "Man, if she hadn't messed with my brakes, I could have caught the bad guys hours ago, gone home, pooped and watched Seinfeld."
Thursday, January 13, 2005
( 10:03 AM ) teahouse
The Good and the Bad
The good thing about being up 24/7 for the past week working, is that you can go home whenever you're tired, and come into the office as late as you want.
It's 10:00 and I just woke up. YEAH.
The other good thing is that if you've been working hard, you can take off for a couple of hours to play in the dodge ball championships.
You can almost get killed like 10 times, and almost get your head knocked off like 20 times. Because the opposing team always targets the girl.
But at the end, you can show off your SILVER MEDAL (2nd place) to all of the people at work.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
( 9:22 AM ) teahouse
Selling the Soul
I've been stuck in document review hell all week. Depositions are looming, and everyone in the department has been yanked onto a case to help get the documents out.
The document review is all-electronic. Which means no papercuts, but also means that we can (and are expected to) review 24 hours a day - from our desks, from our home computers.
And the evil little computer program generates statistics. So everyone knows exactly how many hours you've been logged on, and how many documents you've reviewed per hour.
So it's become a sick contest - everyone wants to get their statistics up. I refuse to play this game. As a result, I have the lowest score. And have been taunted by my coworkers (sickos).
In other news, my salary went up.
I wonder how big of a check the firm would take to sell me my life back.
Monday, January 10, 2005
( 1:05 AM ) teahouse
Conversation I had with a coworker last week, at a cocktail party:
Me: That's a nice tie.
Him: Thanks, I got it from Tie Land.
Me: Hahaha, that's cute! What a clever name for a business that sells ties. Tie Land, heh heh. I've never been there before. Is it in the City?
Him: (gives me a strange look). I meant the country. I bought this tie when I was in Southeast Asia last year.
Me: Oh. Thailand (finish my champagne and skulk away, embarrassed).
Thursday, January 06, 2005
( 9:05 AM ) teahouse
Cheaper By the Dozen
I have a friend who is one of 12 children. Which makes his family a real-life version of the Cheaper By the Dozen movie.
What's more, this guy is a doctor. And 11 of the 12 siblings are doctors.
When I first met him, I asked, "Who's the one rebel?"
He said, "One of my sisters decided she didn't want to wear a pager and be in school and debt for the rest of her life.
But she wanted to work in health care.
...so she's a NURSE. She's the happiest one out of all of us."
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
( 9:11 AM ) teahouse
I'm supposed to take down the Christmas tree tomorrow. But it's so cute, I think I'll leave it up all year this time. It still smells so good.
I figure it's a good thing to hang things on. It's better than wall hooks. I can keep things on it year-round.
I can hang extra baseball caps, my keys, maybe extra underwear and socks.
If I attach a hook to my tv remote control, and hang it on a branch, I'll never lose it again.
Any other suggestions?
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
( 9:30 AM ) teahouse
I'm in grave danger.
Last week, during my firm's weekly dodge ball game, I got hit in the head pretty hard by a vicious, hulking male player from the opposing team, another company. He hit me so hard I saw stars.
He aimed at me and hit me on purpose. And he didn't even come over and apologize to me! And the referee didn't kick him out of the game or penalize his company for unsportsmanlike behavior.
Last night I was playing tennis with some coworkers, and my doubles partner hit me in the back of the head with the tennis ball while serving.
After that, I played much better. I was afraid not to.
With all of this head hitting, I'm afraid I'll end up like Muhammad Ali.
Life is dangerous. I think I should start wearing a helmet at all times.
Monday, January 03, 2005
( 9:13 AM ) teahouse
The Year 2005
Well, it's a new year.
The bad news is that it's cold and miserable outside and I have to go to work.
The good news is that it's a new year, so my minimum billable hours requirement starts over!Yes, I can start the new year fresh.
I'm sure I won't hit the minimum again this year, but at least I'm only a month behind, instead of 12 months behind.